TWIF Opinion

Come Visit Me At Home: Why Buea Ladies Fear This Statement

Kat: Is there any chance you left that (watch) at my place on purpose? Cody: No Kat: Okay, because this is just sex Cody: Yes, I know. So, just sex? Kat: Yes Cody: Any sex? Come here. That is the discussion between Kat Edison and Cody in an American....

By Njodzeka Danhatu

Kat: Is there any chance you left that (watch) at my place on purpose? 

Cody: No.

Kat: Okay, because this is just sex!

Cody: Yes, I know. So, just sex?

Kat: Yes.

Cody: Any sex? Come here.

That is the discussion between Kat Edison and Cody in an American series, The Bold Type.

Kat is wondering whether Cody left his watch at her place on purpose because all that she wants is sex with no feelings attached.

I don’t know how ladies in other places think, but I am certain that here in Buea, capital of Cameroon’s South West Region, when a guy invites a lady over at his place, all the lady thinks is: “he wants to have sex with me”. 

Certainly, she might not be too far from the truth, because some men cannot be trusted. However, it might not be the same in all visiting cases.

Have you ever invited a girl to your place and she ended not showing up on the D-day advancing flimsy excuses why she couldn’t make it? That is because she is scared that you will have sex with her.

Have you ever invited her for a date in a public place and she shows up before time? That’s because she knows that you cannot sex her in public. 

Recently, I interviewed some ladies in Buea to know from them why they are always scared when visiting guys – especially those that are still trying to court them. They were unanimous in one thing – sex. They said when they’re going to see a guy, they know anything can happen.

“When a guy invites me to his place, I will make sure that I prepare myself for any eventuality. Anything can happen” a lady who opted for anonymity told me.

“Anything like what?” I questioned.

“Sex of course,” she said.

“Have you ever been a victim?” I asked.

She told me that several guys had invited her over to their places and whenever she is going, she would make sure she puts on her jean trouser because the guys also have agendas when making such visiting requests.

“There is this guy in Bamenda who invited me to his place. When I got there, he asked me to sit. When I sat, he again asked me to come and sit by his side,” the lady recounted.

That was when she knew there was something suspicious. She said she began to feel uncomfortable.

The guy kept asking how she was doing. 

To the lady, this guy was looking for means to lure her to bed.

“When I was about leaving, he started asking: won’t you kiss me? You’re leaving so soon?”

These things are very common among men, I’m no exception. Most often, they hide behind love, meanwhile, all they want is to smash and pass.

A lady recently posted on Twitter encouraging guys to always make their objectives clear rather than pretending to love someone when they’re not sincere. 

This Twitter-lady advanced her point that mature guys shouldn’t be cunning. 

To her, if as a guy you want sex from her, just say it directly.

Just imagine that I see a mature lady and tell her “Hey! lady, I’m Dan. I want to smash you, are you in or out?”

The objectives are clear, if she says she’s out, then I will go my way and life continues.

Some guys argued that it would be intimidating, dehumanizing and rude, as a consequence, ladies would automatically reject you.

But for me, I find it interesting, because it will be awful to cajole someone when you know very well that all you want is sex and no feelings attached. 

How would you feel when someone breaks your heart because she has got all she wanted from you?

I have played that guerrilla tactics of hit and hide with ladies for quite some time and guess what, it’s no strategy!

We should learn to always go straight to the point.

“What I find disgusting is when a guy meets you for the first time and starts telling you that he loves you and wants to sleep with you like it’s a one-night stand kind of thing,” a lady told me lately. 

Some ladies prefer a guy who says he wants sex than one who beats around the bush in the name of love. “Most often, they’re lust but would not say it,” she said.

“On one Sunday, I decided to visit this guy in Molyko, who has been on my neck to go out with him. At his residence, he wanted to have sex with me. I refused and he persisted, I told him I was going to shout or call his neighbours. That was when he could let me go” another lady revealed to me in an interview.

Of the ladies who talked to me, there is one who believes that letting a guy have sex with her depends on the state of the relationship too. 

To her, things just at times, get out of hands considering the fact that feelings are very difficult to control.

Her views were corroborated by these guys who said during such visits, things happen spontaneously, and they suddenly find themselves already in action.

Decided not to be named when I interviewed him, this young man said in most cases, guys always have as intentions to sleep with the lady when they call her for visit. 

“What tactics do you apply to pull a lady into having sex with you?” I inquired.

He said, when they visit, they don’t want to sit on the bed. At one time, he makes sure that there is no chair in the room.

“When you get closer to them, make sure you’re talking while touching and adoring their jewellery,” he strategically revealed.

I had once asked a guy what part to touch a lady in order to arouse her feeling toward sex. His answer was not precise.

“Ladies have their different soft spots,” he gisted.

He said it could either be on their breasts, lips, laps, necks, stomach, ears, or so, depending on the individual. 

Another guy told me of recent that some girls’ soft spots are when their guys buy for them Apple Phones.

Images have recently been circulating on the social media in which a guy would put FCFA 5000 under a condom, snap it and send to a girl to enquire whether she is coming or not.

They are communicating with action, in that, if a lady finally shows up to collect the FCFA 5000, the condom will hook her.

Ladies, such things are traps.

The guys have been arguing that they are tired of sending money for transport and ladies end up not coming.

This is very terrible because it is rampant among slay queens.

I have heard ladies telling their friends how they are going to chop guys – squander their monies.

In as much as we may blame guys for always wanting to sleep with ladies when they invite them for the first time, we should also blame ladies for always trying to trick guys in the name of love as well.

How do you explain the fact that a lady’s phone contains guys’ contacts as: gas; transport; human hair; school fees; drinks; house rent; dresses… and you name the rest.

Those are names of guys according to the things they supply to her.

Among the tricks guys use, here’s the one I found interesting.

Before I started living alone, I used to live with a friend. When a girl was to visit me, we would agree that once she enters, he should just give an excuse to do something and exit. It was the same case when it came to his turn.

Ladies, you must have noticed that when you visit a guy and he is with friends, they would start leaving one at a time. It does not happen by chance, such things are being planned before you come. If it was not planned, the person she came to see would just text his friends to leave.

At a moment, the guy she is visiting would ensure that entertainment devices which the lady could spend time with are made dysfunctional. Those are tactics.

“Has a girl ever turned you down?” I asked one of my interviewees.

“Yes, in several cases. They would always say they did not expect that from you. They do argue that you shouldn’t sleep with them especially on the first day of visiting” he said.

My friend told me one day that, a lady would be saying that she has a boyfriend and immediately, you sleep with her, you automatically become the boyfriend. “How comes?” that is the question I would answer some other time.

Ladies, your guys should also hustle and become financially independent so that, like Kat Edison in The Bold Type, you could as well have sex with a guy only for pleasure and no love emotions attached.

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