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Fiction: I Love Her To Let Her Go

The worse thing in life is to coerce people to love you of which they don’t want to. We do face challenges sometimes because we think we can get whatever thing we want but life is not like that. My name is NDK. I want to share with you something small that I’m going through with a girl. Some of us do live a life whereby, when we don’t get what we want, we turn to ignore the people whom we wanted favours from them. I know most guys will not share my idea. For instance, you try to court a girl and immediately she turns you down, you make her an enemy. To me that’s weird. I have done that several times but it’s not helping.

By Njodzeka Danhatu

The worse thing in life is to coerce people to love you of which they don’t want to. We do face challenges sometimes because we think we can get whatever thing we want but life is not like that. My name is NDK. I want to share with you something small that I’m going through with a girl.  Some of us do live a life whereby, when we don’t get what we want, we turn to ignore the people whom we wanted favours from them. I know most guys will not share my idea. For instance, you try to court a girl and immediately she turns you down, you make her an enemy. To me that’s weird. I have done that several times but it’s not helping.

I live a love life surrounded by ladies. Each time I’m around any, the only thing that does cross my mind is to sex them and that is all. At times I do this in the guise of trying to court but knowing truly that I am not serious. Whenever I get what I want, they become history.

This kind of life has made me so vulnerable before women that I can’t control myself. It is not like any girl that comes my way does go through this. They are some that have vehemently turned me down but still want to stick around. I hardly drive them away. At times they do even exploit me financially and also deceive me to do what they want. Most often, I do complain and get tips from close friends on how to handle such girls (goal diggers). I do boast at times with my male friends how I am going to stand up to the said girls but a call from any of the girls would just change my mind. This has been my love life.

It’s an issue which I hardly talk about but I have decided to put it in writing. I am a journalist. I am very courageous and bolt when it comes to practising the profession.  I’m always in control even during aggressive interviews.  But it is such a shame that this courage I have does disappear when I’m confront women.

Among the girls that I have come across, there are some that, up till now I cannot stop asking them for sex because of their beauty and how I feel being around them. But one thing is clear, I am always lust. I think what I feel for them is not love, it’s an addiction.

I have been doing this for some years until I met Jane. (That name is not her real since I did not reach to her before writing this article).

Jane is mature and a lady to be with. She has all a man will want in a lady. I love her because of the way she makes me feel when we are together. Jane is so incredible. Almost everything about her is awesome though we fight a lot. Despite our disagreements in so many things, she still would not avoid me and that is the same thing with me.

I have tried courting her for so many months now but she would not accept me because she has a boyfriend. Each time we’re together, we will talk about her boyfriend and some other girls that are playing hard-to-get with me. Whenever we do this, the discussion will always result to dating or having sex and I do bring it up because of my feelings toward her.

Each time she is leaving and telling me she can’t cheat because she is in a relationship with another guy, I always feel bad. I thought she has refused me because I am not handsome, rich or fashionable but I was wrong. Jane, to the best of my understanding, cannot have a relationship with me because she is seeing someone and can’t cheat on that person. She prefers to have me as a friend, just a friend.

I can’t tell you how many times I have blocked her on WhatsApp or refused to talk to her because I don’t want to be hurt. But I am always hurting myself whenever I do that. This kind of feeling will push me to start communicating with her again.

I prefer to do anything for Jane even though she is not my girlfriend. I just figure out that there are some people you cannot live without them. She is a friend and I admit. That is why I love her to let her go.

I took the decision recently when we meet and talked about ourselves. She told me that, had it been I was her boyfriend, she would not love another guy again. And since she is seeing someone else, she cannot date me. She said we should just remain friends that we are.

Some guys will say they cannot provide for a girl they are not dating. I think they are wrong. They are some people in life that you do things for them not because you expect anything in return. She is that type to me.

Jane, if you are reading this, know that I love you and I have to let you go. I don’t mean letting you go as not seeing you but let you go as not having you as a lover. I believe we are good together as friends – normal friends.

The end.

That story is fiction

NDK

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